Melancholy

The other day I was just a little melancholy and a thought came to my mind..." is this all there is to life". Okie no I am not depressed or unhappy, in fact I am having a roller coaster right now what with buying my first car, setting up my first house, the process of buying furniture, electronics etc. In fact getting enough time for a thought which is not about an immediate action is also difficult.
But still even if these activities seem to occupy your entire time but your mind still partially remains passive in the process and you are left wondering about "purpose" for everything you do.

Writing a blog...

A very apt question was asked the other day.. "Why do you write a blog?"
1. Hardly anyone will read it
2. Extremely public forum to share your personal views
3. Why is it better than writing in the age old way of a diary

I do feel that it helps me de-clutter my mind and keeps me in touch with what I am thinking. However one reason for preference of a blog to a diary is the sense of complacence which a persona journal like a diary builds in leading to sloppiness and unedited thoughts. A blog like this challenges you to write about the most personal thoughts in a way that they are tasteful and edited.
But one thing which it definitely makes me dream is that one day when I have a story to tell I will not be so rusty with a pen that I do not have courage to write it.
However, the only reason why I started writing a blog was this desire to move away from searching the meaning of my existence in the corporate role around which my life used to centre. I do believe this is a form of art and I enjoy it.:)

birthday blues

So it is over....am 27 years old or young whatever you may decide......another birthday came and went ppyby....pushing me closer to 30. Funnily enough I am happy....I feel much more in control of my life. Last year I was bewildered as to where a quarter century of my life had gone and depressed that i was moving onto the wrong side of twentys.
Obviously yesterday the two most asked questions were:
What is your age ?
What is your birthday resolution?
Age was obvious but te second one set me thinking. I wondered wha my birthday resolution was and moreover why particularly this year I hadnt even thought if my approachig birthday at all. However since these questions were asked by my friends I threw it back at the and asked them to suggest me a birthday resolution. The suggestions were interesting to outrageous however each one of them centered around "relationships". So here are some which have to stuck ot my mind
1. Get laid.....
2. Find 'your' man
3. Find 'a' man
4. Let me be 'the' man (you wish buddy)
5. Go out more often dear...(read between a single line)
6. I dont want to see you 'single' on your next birthday
7. Why are you so 'bored' in life why dont you do something about it like be more involved in larger groups.
However the worst in the face was from a female friend, "what do you think you are doing tomorrow all of us are going to move on and then what will u you do". My answer, "obviously move on myself sweetie, make new friends and continue to have fun without becoming a depressed alcoholic wreck raving mad for you;)."
I wonder even till last year my birtday resolutions were around "weight loss", reading a book, accomplishinga professional goal, taking up a particular hobby (like start writing a blog) but this magical figure of 27 has brought all the focus to my relationship status in life. I did not realize till yesterday that not only the older generation but my own generation is uncomfortable to see a single woman ready to wait for meeting her man as and when it happens....
So for all your sakes, dear God please give them good sense that being in a relationship is not an all important end in itself it is just one of the very good ways of enjoying life in companioship I guess.
Happy birthday to me!!:)

learnings......

As this continues to be a forum for sharing my learnings along life's journey. Here some of those learnings

Corporate bakra:

1. Have opinions but don't be outspoken about them, can create an emotionally immature image about you
2. Always keep work as you focus even when look at professional friends remember work is what connects you
3. It doesn't help to be too emotional about your work, give your 100% to work but if things do not go the way you think they should you still know you did your best.

Personal life:

1. "Speak up" friends and relationships are important but not at the cost of hurting yourself.
2. Don't be scared of confrontation. It is an essential part of any personal or professional relationship.

Love it was.....

Oh! was it her, Ah! so it was,
The moonlight shone,
in the clear sky, those twinkling stars,
built an anticipation I knew not before;

I could faintly see those deep blue eyes,
The black curls that pulled at my very soul,
Those lovely lips, with the faintest smile,
That lovely face, ah! my angel I knew;

As she walked along the narrow path,
I wondered if the heavens conspired for me,
I wondered if i could touch her,
Maybe a gentle kiss, to tell her what I felt;

I knew not what destiny held,
But I sure did know it was with me
Ah! but then I looked around and
Where was she?

Panic struck I ran through the field,
Hoping to catch a fleeting glimpse,
My angel, my manna,
this couldn't happen to me

And then I knew, as I sat in the field,
That she would live forever in my soul,
her smile would shine within me forever,
but NO! she wasnt meant for me.

Unknown

The pain is there, but I know not why
The blank is there, but I know not what fills in there
The desire is there, but i know not for what
The tears are there, but again I know not for who

This nagging hurt, which makes me restless
The endless days and nights, filled with conjectures
The future which goes nowhere
Or the past which has no meaning today
The present which seems meaningless and futile

The hopes and dreams, which are absent today
The numbnees which scares me........

Finally a new dream is coming over me
The dream to sleep a dreamless sleep,
where there is no tomorrow to wake up
and no yesterday to redeem......

Rainy days

This is not the most appropriate time to write a post.........I am sitting at this beautiful place in my office where there is a window and i can see the road right outside my office....I have been a part of this place for a long time and took a transfer to Delhi and now have been back here for almost three months. Today is my second last day and i go back to delhi tomorrow. Mumbai rain have arrived and today it is one of those typical rainy days in this city where the rain has been falling intermittently through the day.
This is one weather which always draws a lot of conflicting emotions out of me. At one end where I love rains and i find this weather extremely romantic and can usually never resisit going out in rain to sea side to sit at a coffee shop and watch the rain fall I also find it daunting to stay in this city with this rain because of the unending traffic jams it brings with it and the dirt all over the roads.
I could not wait to go back to Delhi till a couple of days back but then this rains seems to hold me back. I love it and will miss it despite all its ills.........I will miss this seat by the window where I have sat and watched this pair of 10 year old kids play in their school dress as they waited for their mother to pick them up after school all soaked. My room in the hostel and the terrace where I have stood in the rain on many occasions. Rain and Mumbai has a special association in my mind...I still fail to understand how it can rain so much in a place without stopping.
Some how as we lose the wonder in life as we grow this is place where the wonder for rain still remains in my heart and i always look forward to it. Early in the morning today as i saw it falling outsie my window i looked forward to going to office and I hopedthat while returning it will rain again and I will be able to catch a few drops on myself.
I love you rain ................come with me to Delhi where I can watch you from my window there